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Don’t Get It Twisted

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Today’s lesson that the universe is teaching me in a kind and gentle way is a reminder that the majority of people are not my friend. I need to be reminded of this from time to time. I have a kind nature. I want to believe that people are like me and have kind loyal natures. Some do. Many don’t.  The lessons today were minor. A person I was fond of and was beginning to count as a potential friend vented off their stress by talking shit about me. I stopped the person letting me know about the situation before I got details. I know better. Realizing that their telling me came from a sense of their own loyalty, I can appreciate that without hearing the details of the gossip. I deal with enough of my feelings flaring up without getting them triggered.  Now, wait a minute. David, you are writing about this. Clearly you registered the gossip about you on an emotional level and it has stuck with you enough to inspire this post. Let’s go with a solid not exactly. I can revise my opinion of som
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The Conversation is the Relationship

For the last several years I have kept myself on a path of personal growth and development. Sometimes I pick out things I want to work on. More often the universe puts things in front of me that I need to work on. Guess which of these I get more out of.  I am a person who appreciates peace and quiet. I enjoy solitude. I am comfortable sitting quietly and working on things that interest me. It isn't that I do not enjoy people. Quite the opposite I enjoy the company of people. I struggle with a few things about keeping company. I don't like trivial things like gossip, complaints, and idle chit-chat. When met with these things I often grow quiet. I have learned through experience when a person rattles long enough at me without me giving any verbal or nonverbal encouragement that they will eventually talk themselves out. I resist the urge to say," Do you feel good about that exchange?" When someone is going on and on pointlessly I find it awkward and uncomfortable. I enjo
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Losing Myself in Distraction

 It is funny that it has been exactly three months since I stopped writing and blogging. Maybe this post should indicate that was more a break than an actual stop. If you go back and read through my August posts it is clear that I was struggling to maintain a positive, healthy mental state. Looking back I am certain that I made both good and bad moves to try and do something about it. I didn’t realize I was losing my connection to myself.  The big lesson from quarter four of 2023 (and maybe the entire year) for me has been that treating the symptoms of a problem is not the same thing as getting healthy. To belabor that metaphor, you can keep a cough under control with enough Luden’s Wild Cherry and DayQuil, but if you don’t get antibiotics to cure the underlying infection you are going to stay sick. I have spent quite a lot of time and money treating the symptoms of my stress, depression, and unhappiness. The underlying infection was just festering and spreading.  That is what really d
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I am done blogging.

 
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Ennui

I think it is time to admit to myself that I have been in a depression for a while now. I am going to put an interesting label on my depression and call it functional depression. That is to say I am going to work. I am keeping house. I am parenting. I am functional. I have even been analyzing myself and claiming that I am not and have not been depressed.  The thing is I have been stuck in a rut. Myself care has been a little lax. I am not keep shaved. I am not dressing as nice as I should for work. I haven't been getting my hair cut. Those things aren't big red flags. I mean I am still bathing and keeping up the general hygiene. I am pretty shaggy at the best of times so externally people cannot look at me and know I am depressed.  The biggest red flag that I have been noticing is having a hard time getting myself motivated to go do things. I have friends who are going through major losses and here I am struggling to get up and get myself into gear. When I started beating mysel
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The Arcade of Life

 I have had a lifelong love affair with video games. It started with video arcades. On second thought, that isn't really where I played my first coin operated games. It started with arcade cabinets in places like Pizza Hut, the Bowling Alley, and even in a few diners.  I remember clearly the day my little brain put together the concept that I needed money to actually play. I was standing on a stool moving the joystick and smashing buttons on a Galaga  cabinet. During my stunning performance the leader board suddenly flashed across the screen. I let go of the controls. When "play" resumed (also known as the game's demo screens) my ship went back to deftly firing without me pushing a single button.  I had been duped. In the inquisition that followed my Mom and Dad were amused at my discomfiture. Dad patiently explained how quarters operated the machine. He good naturedly let me have a real play and I will never forget him saying something along the lines of," I was
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Happiness through digital bullets

 I suspect I need to write another emotional post because I am not processing fully. Realizing that, I got myself up early this morning. I spent some time of self care. Then I made myself a nice breakfast of scrambled eggs with a few slices of Spam. I shaved. I realized I need a haircut, but that will be waiting for a while. I cleaned up my office a bit. Then I sat down and had a long debate with myself on if I should write this post, toy with my Steam Deck, or play some Diablo 4.  Diablo 4 won out. It often does. I played for a bit and then got to work on some of the real world stuff that needs my attention. I did a little eBay work. I cleaned and organized the house a bit. I conceptualized a really neat idea to change up my bedroom. Then I got my Steam Deck out for a bit of an update.  I enjoy my Playstation 5 although I am not the primary user. Ashley plays some games on it. Teagan has put hours into Astro's Playroom and a bit of Hogwart's Legacy. I enjoy that she is enthusi
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